the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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