White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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