I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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