Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
