Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
