I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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