My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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