I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
