This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
did i walk over a car last night?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
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