I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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