some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
