I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Randomize
