im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
