Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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