what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
