I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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