Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
