One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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