I CAN MOONWALK!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
