Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
