Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
