I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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