He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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