my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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