once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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