It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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