I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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