Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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