i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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