u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
