Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
