Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
