I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
