dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
