All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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