OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
