I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
