her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
