WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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