Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
