Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
