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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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