I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
