I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
