I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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