yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
