i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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