I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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