He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm passing your future prison.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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