All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
