Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
