there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think I sprained my soul last night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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