oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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