I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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