ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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