ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
That reminds me...we need to get swords
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
