Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
