I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
