Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
