Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
