We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
