They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
