Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
