I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
