why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
