John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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