okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
