Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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