Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
