He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
